Hi, baby. There you are! So long, no?
Yes, yes, I know. You keep busy with your college, curricular, internships and all that.
But why is it that you haven’t been coming to me at all, lately?
Have I become so uninteresting to you?
You know, you make me feel like an abandoned housewife sometimes. Craving for you like you’ve never loved me wholeheartedly, leaving me all by myself in this strange & lonely place, feeling completely undesirable.
Do you remember there was a time when you would come to me every night? You would come to me when you would lose faith in everybody else. I was like a never ending source of love to you. I was like a solace that you didn’t only want, but very much needed. I reflected you. I reflected your courage & reaffirmed your faith in yourself, and that’s why you loved me so much. In fact, I also remember a time when you wouldn’t be able to sleep without confiding your day’s secrets in me. I guess that phase has passed now, and rightly so.
Now, now that you’re happy on your own, content in your life (but for how long?), you’ve stopped coming to me. Do you not need me at all anymore? All that time you spent with me has made me needy of you. I know it’s not your fault, but isn’t it a little unfair to me? I don’t have hard feelings for you. It’s just that I really, really miss you & want you to come to me sometimes, like you did before.
I miss how you would come to me to get your back patted every time you achieved a milestone, no matter how petty, I knew it was important to you, and so, being as much in love with you as I am, I celebrated it with you. I miss how you told me every little detail about your day and with such beauty, that I would promise to store those emotions inside of me for an eternity.
In all the time that I have spent with you, I have come to understand how much you stress over the fact that it’s your time to develop & hone skills for the rest of your life, and you’re doing really well. I understand you. Doesn’t matter if you have to leave me behind for some time. Because you can trust me, I’ll stay right here. I am part of you, the way you are an indispensible part of me.
I’m happy for you, but I’m also very concerned. You know, earlier you never feared to voice your opinions, since you knew I wouldn’t judge you, but now that you have expanded your horizons and try to do the same with others, I know it doesn’t work. I miss you doing that sometimes. I miss you expressing yourself wholly.
I always knew you would someday fall into the trap of writing fiction & leave me lying in the bookshelf as a piece of display, but I didn’t know it would be so soon. And since came unexpectedly and unannounced, it struck me really hard. But no matter what happens, remember that I am happy for you, and I will always have more faith to offer to you, whenever you decide to return to me because I am a reflection of you, an unafraid and strong you.
And yes, these pages, these are your own. Come back to them whenever you want to, and you will be welcome.
Without you, I’m empty, both literally & figuratively.
Yours, forever
‘Dear diary’
Ismat Ara 